Aimee, non-sequitur

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This started out as "this week in the life of Aimee" but ended as something totally different.

Helloo everybody. I don’t know who actually reads this blog (I’ve told many people about it, some of which I don’t want them knowing everything about my life) and that kind of unnerves me into not writing everything I want to, but I’ve decided tonight that that doesn’t matter. I’m sure my hesitation to post certain things is a mixture of avoiding conflict (I might write something that bothers a reader), embarrassment (which is ridiculous but true) and just being a private poop which I need to get over. I should be proud and honest, and own up to my thoughts and actions. Little things, like showing pictures of Danny and me (which I am getting better at not turning into a beet) or big things, like the issue of my hair (which I still don’t talk about). Having a blog, especially one that people read, can make your life an open book for anyone to read.That makes me nervous. Danny knows this. When we first started to get to know each other, and sometimes still, whenever we would talk about something sensitive or embarrassing or made me look bad I’ll literally turn my head away in the pillow to hide.

Through most of my childhood, I walked on a lot of eggshells (me feel are still kinda sore…) with parents who were not completely mentally-healthy. Maybe I carried that with me. That worry that I might upset or cause anger towards me - or harsh judgment… As I’ve gotten older, I’ve gain more self confidence and a sense of humor and learned to not take myself or what people think of me as seriously (most of the time it doesn’t even matter). I still get anxiety - a feeling that the world is closing in and I need to just stop time at that moment, crawl into bed, and then hit go again - but not as much. I still need to get it through my head that I am an adult now, my own person, and that I have the right to be frustrated or ecstatic or upset or high or angry or horny or depressed or just plain ME. And I can write about it and people will read it and they will think things (no duh, Aimee) and that’s okay!!!!! YEAH!!! I think my point is fully across (the room) by now so it’s off to bed for me. Go forth and read me! You have my permission.

PEACE